Joined: Nov 17, 2004 Posts: 5222 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2005 6:29 pm Post subject: It's the water... and a lot more...
I blame these on the pain pills for my jaw surgery.
Besides it's been too damn slow in these forums anyway!
Here we go.....
Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night...
One was assaulted.
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
Two ropes walk into a bar. The bartender says to the rope "Hey! we don't serve ropes in here" so one of the ropes left. The other rope frayed up his hair and tied himself in a knot. The bartender said to the rope "Are you a rope?" and the rope said " I'm afraid not"
A termite walks into a barroom and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he/she had no guts!
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods one day?
Why don't cannibals eat comedians?
Because they taste funny.
How do you describe the average cannibal?
A guy with a wife and ate children.
What did the cannibal do when he saw an 'All you can eat restaurant'?
He had two waiters and a busboy.
Why did the squirrel sleep on his stomach?
To keep his nuts warm.
Whatdaya call a cow with two legs?
Lean Beef.
Whatdaya call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef.
Did you hear about the cannibal who came home late for dinner and his wife gave him a cold shoulder?
What is the last thing that goes through a bug's mind as it hits a windshield?
His butt.
What Happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
He got pissed off!
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his butt.
Whatdaya call a guy that keeps publishing piss poor jokes like these?
A former Admin. _________________ http://twitter.com/HQ_Shark2th
enigma516 V.I.P. Lifetime
Joined: Feb 07, 2005 Posts: 2743 Location: Florida
Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2005 12:12 am Post subject:
I blame this one on Shark2th's meds too.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't coming when you call. _________________
Loki77 Xbox-HQ Freak
Joined: Feb 21, 2005 Posts: 614 Location: Nebraska
Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2005 4:10 am Post subject:
Lol
Man Shark2th- You need to lay off the Oregino!
Its ok, your jokes are something else to read on the forms rather than Tech support style stuff. Keep taking what ever you smoke, inject, pop, or Rectally insert to keep those piss poor jokes coming!
forahobby Administrator
Joined: May 22, 2003 Posts: 23944 Location: NSW, Australia
Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2005 4:20 am Post subject:
funny as always mate.. entertaining.. lol
Quote:
Whatdaya call a guy that keeps publishing piss poor jokes like these?
A former Admin.
Joined: Nov 17, 2004 Posts: 5222 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 7:16 pm Post subject:
A man showed up at work one day with a black eye. When his co- workers saw him they asked him what had happened. He told them it had happened at church. They didn't believe him, and wanted to know what really happened.
So he told them, "I went to the church. I got on my knees and prayed. When I stood up to sing the hymns, there in front of me was the biggest woman I had ever seen. Her dress was stuck in her butt-crack, so being the gentleman I am, I reached over and pulled it out for her. She did not like that, so she hit me." The guys laughed and ribbed him about it all day.
The next week he showed up to work and his face was beat bad! Again the guys asked him what had happened and he told them he'd got beaten up at church. Again they didn't believe him, so he explained, "I went to the church. I got on my knees and prayed. When I stood up to sing the hymns, there in front of me was that same big woman with her dress again stuck up her butt-crack."
At this point the other men interrupted and said, "Please tell us you didn't pull her dress out of her crack again?"
"No, the guy standing beside me did, and I knew she didn't like that, so I shoved it back in."
_________________ http://twitter.com/HQ_Shark2th
enigma516 V.I.P. Lifetime
Joined: Feb 07, 2005 Posts: 2743 Location: Florida
Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 7:32 pm Post subject:
You see, your not even safe in church. _________________
Shark2th Moderator
Joined: Nov 17, 2004 Posts: 5222 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 5:59 pm Post subject: WTF???
Joined: Nov 17, 2004 Posts: 5222 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 4:00 pm Post subject: Cannibals
A big corporation recently hired several cannibals. "You are all part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees."
The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied with you. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals all shook their heads NO.
After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool!!! For four weeks we've been eating Managers and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something!!!" _________________ http://twitter.com/HQ_Shark2th
Shark2th Moderator
Joined: Nov 17, 2004 Posts: 5222 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2005 5:01 pm Post subject:
On the topic of eating something, there are results that occur after ingestion that I thought I'd go ahead and educate you on.
Stupid Facts - Fart Facts
Farts are created mostly by E. coli.
On the average a fart is composed of about 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen, 9% carbon dioxide, 7% methane, and 4% oxygen. Less than 1% is what makes them stink.
The temperature of a fart at time of creation is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit.
Farts have been clocked at a speed of 10 feet per second.
A person produces about half a liter of farts a day.
Although they won't admit it, women fart as much as men.
Termites are the largest producers of farts.
Farts are flammable.
The word "fart" comes from the Old English "feortan" (meaning "to break wind").
Excess gas in the intestinal is medically termed "flatulence."
Other words for farts would be:
aerosolized stool
after dinner mint
aftershocks (small farts that emerge after a large one)
air attack
air biscuit
air monkey
air pigeon
air poop
almond toast
anal acoustics
anal escape of wind
anal exhale
anal emissions
anal oxide
anal retreat
anus evacuation
Arkansas barking spiders
ars musica
arse blast
ass dropping
ass flapper
atmosphere of Uranus
backblast (the "backblast area" is where the fart can be detected; upon dissipation of the odor, one can announce "Backblast area all clear!")
backdoor trumpet
back draft
back end blow out
bae (Danish )
barking rats
barking spiders
barley boast (a beer fart)
bean bombers
bean fumes
beaver leaver
beer fart
belching clown
big spit-up
bilabial fricative
bingo
blampf
blanket bomb
blare-ass
blinking browneye
blow-by (a fart that smells especially awful because it blew by a turd)
blow fish
blue angel (ignited fart)
blue bomber
blue darts (ignited fart )
blurp
bologna sandwich essence
boomper letters
booty bomb
bork (the sound made by a fart when you press down in the bathtub)
bottom burp
botty burp (England)
botty cough (England )
bram (Welsh)
bratwurst bugle
bratwurst butt belch
brewer's fart (grains and all!)
brown air biscuit
brown-body radiation
brown haze
brown mist
brown speckled mallard (a misty fart)
brownster
brun canard
bubblers
bubbling acid
buck snort or bucksnort (a particularly loud fart )
bull snort
bum and flutter
bung blast
bunghole buzzer
bunsen burners
burners
burp that went astray
burp that comes out the wrong end
butt bark
butt bomb
butt bongos
butt breather
butt burps
butt cheek bubbles (farts emitted underwater)
butt cheek squeak
butthole blowout
butt moose
butt mutt
butt trumpets (a rumblimg, bubbling trumpet-sounding fart.)
butt wind
cabbage captivator
can o' chedder
carpet creeper
case of swamp ass
Chanel No. 2
cheeser
cheese toasty
chemical warfare
chert (Palauan)
chili killy
chold (Palauan)
chou pi (Chinese for "stinking fart")
chunder (Belfast)
churchhouse creepers
Cincinatti cyanide
colon calamities
colon cologne
cooked cauliflower cocktail
cornhole tremor
crack rattler
crepidus (Latin)
crunchy frog
cushion creepers
cyanide substitute
davebrok (a stop-and-go kind of fart)
death poot
deer grunt
deer snort
dej (Danish )
desert varnish (a wet fart)
dirt road dust
doofu (Oromo of Ethiopia)
doozer
doozy
double flutterblast
drifters
drig (Armenian)
drive by
duck call
Dutch oven (farting in bed and pulling the covers over one's head to smell it.)
eggy whiffo (a particularly sulfurous emission)
EPA red alert
essence of Emeril
essence of the anus
evacuation siren
excreted gas
explosion between the cheeks
extreme fumagatory essence
fang pae (Chinese)
fang pi (Chinese)
fannitosis
fanny beep
fanny bubble
fanny halitosis
fart
fart combo (2 or more farts made within 5 seconds of each other)
fartrogen dioxide (1940s era term )
Fartvergnugen (based on Volkswagen's slogan: fahrvergnugen, "describing a pleasurable experience)
fat lady delight
fecal clouds
fickle fuzz
fing (Hungarian - pronounced "feeng" )
fingi
fire in the hole (an ignited fart)
fizz
fizz-fuzz
fizzy fuzz
flabbergaster
flame throwers
flaming cornhole
flatulence
flatulencia (Spanish)
flatus
flooper
fluff
flurpies
flutterblast
fly breaking the sound barrier
foo-foo
foyon (Puerto Rican Spanish slang for a loud, smelly fart )
frump (an underwater fart )
Furz (German )
fuss (Lebonese)
the fuzz
the fuzz=fizz
gas
gasser
gastronomical reprocussion
General Colon Bowel barking commands
gooz (Persian )
gross wind
grosse humours
guano-talk
gou pi (Chinese for "dog fart")
grounds for divorce
grunghee
gurglers
ham slam
hanger ("the killer that emerges the morning after two days of drinking and permeates everything, making whatever room you were in unusable for at least half an hour")
he (Japanese - pronounced "hay")
Hershey Park (the atmospheric area occupied by a fart )
Hershey splert (fart accompanied by a tad of diarrhea)
Hershey smoke
hissers
hole in the wall gang (multiple farts)
honksa (Choctaw - pronounced "honk-sa")
hot wind
Hun Futza (German for "dog fart")
hurricane
hydrogen bombs
ignimbrite (ignited fart)
Japanese barking beetles (term used by servicemen stationed in Japan)
Jersey torch (ignited fart, from the movie "IQ")
jetwash (from Top Gun)
jockey jelly
kabooms (farts that hurt)
kanala (Danish)
lactose liberation
laughing ass
the leather cheerio bark
lingers
lort (Danish)
loose meat ( a particularly rumbly fart)
love puff (England)
low flying geese
low flying jets
machine gun sound effects
massive vapor of butt gas
message from the interior
methane
misdirected burp
Missouri mud ducks
moon beam
morning thunder
mouse
mousie squeak
mudslapper
mush
musical butt
the nether belch
nicotine stains in the Hanes
nitrogen nerve gas
nuée ardent (a hot fart that rolls down the leg burning off all the hairs in its path)
nwonk (a fart that sounds like a trumpet)
one-cheek sneaks
paad (Hindi.)
pants geese
pants puffer
passed flatus
passed gas
peaches
pedo (Spanish)
peido (Portuguese)
peo (Spanish, used in Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico and other Latin American regions)
pet (French)
petard
phewie
pip
pluts
poelse (Danish
poodles
poof
poofume
poo gas
pooh
pooh noise
poop fumes
poop without the mess
poopy tunes
poot
pooty pants
popcorn fart (a dry fart)
pop tarts
power poof
preets
prison break
proot-proots (French)
prootsie
prut (Danish)
pudd (Punjabi)
puffer
puh
puk (Russian - pronounced "pook")
pulpmiller
pum (Portuguese)
purple clouds (as in "I can't smell nothin' but them purple clouds is sho stingin my eyes!")
putt-putts
queef (vaginal fart)
queve (a frontal emission from a woman)
rambunctious rectum
rames (Palauan) (specifically a high-pitched, long, drawn-out fart)
rare arse (quiet, undulating gentle sound)
rattler
rectal turbulence
rectum roar
report
ringo
ringtailed roarer
rip ass
ripship
the ripshit
ripskin
ripsnorter
road pizza perfume
roevgas (Danish)
rose bud
rump ripper
rup rap (diarrhea propelled by flatus)
the scented scream
scheet (Dutch)
seam squirrels
shit fumes
shit propellant
shit vapor
shit without the mess
silent but deadly (SBD)
silent but violent (SBV)
silent depth charge
silent killer
silent spadily
sitter air
skag
skid (Danish)
skidmarks in the shorts
sliders
smelly jelly (a wet fart)
smell-o-rama
smelts
smoke rings from behind
smoofer
snak (in the bathtub)
S.O.D. (stench of death)
some asshole behind you talking shit
sound spadily
soytoy
space shuttle launch
sphincter whistle
sphincturbulence
spitters
squeakers
squib
squiffer
stainer
stale wind
stench of death
stink
stinker
surprise (a fart with a lump in it)
svaerd (Danish)
taco torpedo
talking pants
tear arse (loud, disturbing sound)
tear ass
telegram (a message that poop's on its way)
terminal flatulence
terminal velocity flatulence
three tone fart
thunder below
thunder dumpling
thunder in the buns
tonage
toop
tooters
toot-toots
trail fart (a fart that follows the farter)
triple flutter blaster
triple thunder flutter
trouser cough
trouser trumpet
trump (England)
turtle
tushie belches
tush tickler
underpants lion
veirnt
ventifact
Victoria's Secret's worst nightmare
vind (Danish)
voice of the toothless one
warp drive
wet fart
wet one
whallop
White Castle's revenge
whootzie
wind
wind beneath the cheeks
wind breakage
windy pops
wizard
yelping spider
zephyr
Other words for flatulating: the verbs: the process, the act.
backfire
bake breeze biscuits
bake brownies
bark
bend a valve
blow ass
blow dirt
blow dust
blow a fart
blow a gasket (a wet one)
blow kisses
blow mud
blow one's O-ring
blow smoke
blow the sparkplugs
blurt
boff (England)
boom-boom
break the seam (to pass gas with high velocity or large volume)
break wind
buang angin (Indonesian)
bust a grumpy
bust ass
butt yodeling
chemold (Palauan)
clear one's throat
cleft a boofer
colon bowlin'
cook eggs
couper le fromage (French)
crack ass
crack the ripper
crepitate
crop dusting (refers to dropping one while walking past people)
cut a gasser
cut a melon
cut chedder
cut muffins
cut one
cut the cheese
cut the provolone
deal one
degas
demonstrate Boyle's Law
dot'dot (Chamoru)
draw mud from the bottom of the pond (for wet farts)
drop ass
drop a cookie
drop a fart
drop a ringo
drop a rose
drop one
drop one's guts (England)
effluviate (rural Pennsylvania)
emit a fart
erupt one
execute one (Australian)
fardullah
fart
fart like a popcorn machine
fessa (Egyptian Arabic)
flatulate
float an air biscuit
flutter the sheets
frump
furzen (German)
fuss (Lebonese)
get expelled from stool
grunt
guff
heiny burp
he o koita (Japanese for "rip a fart" - pronounced "hay o' koyita")
here comes Freddie
Jag fis (Swedish for "I farted" - pronounced "yaw fees")
kentut (Indonesian)
kill the canary
launch a wifter
lay a fart
lay a jellybean
let a toot out the shoot
let a windy
let fly a fart
let Freddie out of jail
let Fred out
let one
let one rip
let wind fly
make a bingo
make a stink
make cheese
make methane
make some underleg noise
make the sheets flutter
ot'ot (Tagalog)
pass gas
peidar (Portuguese)
peter (French)
piffle
play the butt trumpet
pollute the atmosphere
poopski
poot
pop corn
pop off
pritz
puf pukat (Russian - pronounced "pookat")
queimar a bota (Portuguese)
refine shit particles
release intestinal gases
ringo
rip ass
rip one
rip the canvas
roar from the rear
shit the bed
shoot bunnies
shoot the breeze
sink my battleship
sneeze in one's pants
spider's barking
spill one's guts (Australian)
split the seam (to pass a small but signficant amount of gas)
start a Harley
start the engine
step on a duck
step on a frog
step on a fart snake
stink out loud
stomp on the barking spider
strike mud
strip a gear
supply it
taint ripper (your taint in that little piece of skin between your ass and your whatsit?
It taint ass and it taint whatisit )
toot
vent
winden laten _________________ http://twitter.com/HQ_Shark2th
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