Joined: Apr 18, 2004 Posts: 5303 Location: Greensburg PA
Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2004 4:13 am Post subject: If only you could.... (funny as hell!!!)
If only you could cntrl-Z life!!!
Today I bumped (literally) into a person at the grocery store, immediately I said excuse me sir...
To my dismay the person looked at me and said, I'm a m'am...not a sir..
Man, I was red! Well, at any rate I turned on the charm and weasled my way out of my faux-pas....I seriously thought it was a man with a pot belly and not a pregnant he-she!! Since when are hermaphodites allowed to breed!! HA...anyway...
I ended up in line right behind him, I mean her and he/she noticed my toys and trinkets that I was getting for my daughters slumber party. She asked me how old my daughter was and we were striking a very pleasant conversation, that is until I asked her if she knew if she was having a boy or a girl..
that's when she said, "I'm not pregnant".
Damn man...can I fucking pick them or what!
CNTRL-Z would have definitely applied! _________________ Good Deals: Death@Hand, funkydopenloven, StaticMind, Slamscaper, PorscheXboxter
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forahobby Administrator
Joined: May 22, 2003 Posts: 23944 Location: NSW, Australia
Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2004 4:37 am Post subject:
hehhe hi,
that is hilarious realmccloy.. hehehehhehehe lol
I bet you thought you were the man when you weasled out of your first comments but then you really put your foot in the shit didnt you..
Joined: Jun 24, 2004 Posts: 658 Location: Melbourne, FL
Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2004 4:54 am Post subject:
Man I just fell out of my chair and busted my ass from that lol....Im hurting from the laughter. Thats kinda like thoses Snickers commercials....ya know the impair judgement type....cause of hunger. lol.
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forahobby Administrator
Joined: May 22, 2003 Posts: 23944 Location: NSW, Australia
Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2004 5:11 am Post subject:
im still laughing at it Slamscaper.. lol
Its been atleast 30 minutes i think..
Joined: Jun 24, 2004 Posts: 658 Location: Melbourne, FL
Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2004 5:12 am Post subject:
yea....watch, now it will happen to us...lol
ttyl. _________________ SE Halo Xbox v1.4 :
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Xecuter2 Bios 4983.67
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Philips DVD Drive
250GB Western Digital HDD
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PorscheXboxster V.I.P. Member
Joined: Apr 21, 2004 Posts: 1067 Location: Virginia, USA
Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2004 5:24 am Post subject:
Man! I have been there AND done that! Those she-males can throw ya if you're not careful. I used to work in a pharmacy and this obviously several months pregnant (or so I thought) woman came to the counter, asking for advice about a particular OTC product. I told her "You really shouldn't take that when you're pregnant", to which she replied "I AM NOT PREGNANT"! Luckily, I quickly responded "Of course not! But if you should become pregnant (the thought of which made "it" crawl up inside and sent shivers down my spine), you should stop using it". Whew! Dodged a bullet!
Now, I pretend to be oblivious to all women's "fragile" states, just to be safe! When they inform me that they are several months pregnant, I'll just say "Wow! It hardly shows! Are you sure you're pregnant?", even though they look like they've just won a watermelon-eating contest by swallowing the melon whole!
Here's some hints for you guys when you're out shopping:
- if she has a box of tampons in her cart, she's not pregnant
- if she has a box of condoms in her cart, she's not pregnant, but wants you to think she's at risk
- if she has 3 boxes of Ho-Ho's in her cart, she's not pregnant, she's fat
- if she has a breast pump in her cart, she's pregnant or has an untreated prolactinoma
- if she has a tube of Vagisil in her cart, let's HOPE she's not pregnant
- if she has a cucumber larger than your thigh, she's fat & not pregnant
I've learned these lessons the hard way. Please put my advice to good use! _________________ The World's Most Awesome Xbox 360 Room
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TheModGod Xbox-Hq Legendary
Joined: Apr 18, 2004 Posts: 5303 Location: Greensburg PA
Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2004 5:00 pm Post subject:
Quote:
untreated prolactinoma
HA...that's hilarious!!
The only thing came to my mind when she said, "I'm not pregnant" was that commercial where people just say, "thank you" when they f#&@ up or something...
I don't know if everyone has that commercial or not....but, it was the first thing that came to my mind.
I am definitely taking xboxters advice! From now on I'm looking in carts and keeping my friggin mouth shut!
I'm glad you guys got a chuckle at my expense...HA. I seem to be good for that occasionally. I figured someone would get a kick out of that and realize that they aren't the only ones to open mouth and insert foot.
later all
realmccloy
------------------
http://www.xbox-hq.com http://www.themodgod.com _________________ Good Deals: Death@Hand, funkydopenloven, StaticMind, Slamscaper, PorscheXboxter
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PorscheXboxster V.I.P. Member
Joined: Apr 21, 2004 Posts: 1067 Location: Virginia, USA
Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2004 5:27 pm Post subject:
realmccloy wrote:
The only thing came to my mind when she said, "I'm not pregnant" was that commercial where people just say, "thank you" when they f#&@ up or something...
I've seen those commercials... I've NEVER understood them!
My wife and I look in people's carts and try to come up with some outrageous explanation for things in their cart.
Ever seen that comic skit about things you should never buy at the same time? Like, if you buy toilet paper and paper towels at the same time, it means you ran out of toilet paper and have been wiping your ass with paper towels.
we've come up with quite a few...
condoms & zip-lock bags, hamster food & Preparation H, surge protectors & computers (sorry, Forahobby!), cucumbers & KY jelly... the list goes on and on and on! _________________ The World's Most Awesome Xbox 360 Room
[X X X X X X . . . .]% complete
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4983.06
TheModGod Xbox-Hq Legendary
Joined: Apr 18, 2004 Posts: 5303 Location: Greensburg PA
Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2004 10:20 pm Post subject:
What's wrong with cuccumbers and K-Y?
HA..later man _________________ Good Deals: Death@Hand, funkydopenloven, StaticMind, Slamscaper, PorscheXboxter
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PorscheXboxster V.I.P. Member
Joined: Apr 21, 2004 Posts: 1067 Location: Virginia, USA
Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2004 11:47 pm Post subject:
realmccloy wrote:
What's wrong with cuccumbers and K-Y?
Didn't say anything was WRONG with them... just shouldn't buy them together! _________________ The World's Most Awesome Xbox 360 Room
[X X X X X X . . . .]% complete
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forahobby Administrator
Joined: May 22, 2003 Posts: 23944 Location: NSW, Australia
Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2004 1:36 am Post subject:
Quote:
Ever seen that comic skit about things you should never buy at the same time? Like, if you buy toilet paper and paper towels at the same time, it means you ran out of toilet paper and have been wiping your ass with paper towels.
You guys crack me up.. You have been my comic relief the last two days..
I love it.. heheh elol
Man, when ever I was feeling sad or upset for the past two days, I would navigate to this webpage and read this post. And everytime I read it I laugh, and it makes my day better.
forahobby Administrator
Joined: May 22, 2003 Posts: 23944 Location: NSW, Australia
Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2004 6:21 pm Post subject:
this thread is a beauty.. heheh lol..
I still laugh when browsing through the active topics.. hehe
Joined: Apr 18, 2004 Posts: 5303 Location: Greensburg PA
Posted: Mon Oct 04, 2004 4:15 am Post subject:
It was truly a classic moment....but, I wish I would have had someone take a pic of my face...it had to be beet red!! I felt so friggin not I know my face was red!!
And the friggin line couldn't have moved slower...it felt like an eternity. I prayed to god that the checkout girl wouldn't look at her and say, paper or plastic sir...
I think she would have pulled out an uzi and shot everyone right where they stood!
Xboxter made a remark abou things you shouldn't buy together....I remember my father once went to the local convenience store and really didn't realize his combo of products. Of course he was originally just going to the store to get dessert items and my mother called him on the way to tell him to get her some feminine products...
So, there is my dad at the checkout with maraschino cherries, whipped cream, banana's, and tampons.. It didn't even phase him until it got back to him at his local firehouse where he worked the bingo games.. One of his buddies walked up to him and asked him how his evening was...when my father didn't know what the hell he was talking about his buddy explained that he heard of his interesting combonation of products at the local 'Stop N Go'. They razzed him about it for quite some time. That is definitely one of the funnier moments that I will always remember about my father. My father who passed away a few years ago, he was only 53, was famous for giving me advice that he thought was meanigful, but really had no relevance in life.
I still remember him saying, "son, the worst blow-job you will ever get will be simply marvelous". I was 15 at the time.
later all
realmccloy
-------------------------
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