Joined: Mar 12, 2005 Posts: 1887 Location: Orlando/West Palm Beach, FL USA
Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 5:07 pm Post subject:
Ancient Proverb once say..
Man who go to bed with itchy ass, wake up with smelly finger.
Oh the truth of the ancients is SOOO applicable to today's standards...
Truly Amazing.
AND YES, I want a 70 yr. old woman with back tattooos and everything to boot, YEA!!!! Rocking the mature chair. --I guess maybe when you are 70 you will get off on 70 yr. old tattoos.
And no, I really don't want an old woman. _________________ XBOX v1.6
X3|.3294|XBMC
Shark2th Moderator
Joined: Nov 17, 2004 Posts: 5222 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 5:21 pm Post subject:
shortacid wrote:
AND YES, I want a 70 yr. old woman with back tattooos and everything to boot, YEA!!!! Rocking the mature chair. --I guess maybe when you are 70 you will get off on 70 yr. old tattoos.
They are all yours Ed.
I gave them your address for a lap dance.
You can find out where Bea Arthur put her's eh? _________________ http://twitter.com/HQ_Shark2th
Joined: Mar 12, 2005 Posts: 1887 Location: Orlando/West Palm Beach, FL USA
Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 5:24 pm Post subject:
Estel Ghetti? Is that how you spell it, or Betty white are for me, watch out now. _________________ XBOX v1.6
X3|.3294|XBMC
Shark2th Moderator
Joined: Nov 17, 2004 Posts: 5222 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2005 5:31 pm Post subject:
In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb".
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...) The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 wow!!
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independenceon July 4th, John Hancock and CharlesThomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month . which we know today as the honeymoon.
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."
It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? _________________ http://twitter.com/HQ_Shark2th
Scourge Xbox-HQ Freak
Joined: Nov 08, 2004 Posts: 571 Location: Georgia, USA
Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2005 8:20 pm Post subject:
Shark2th wrote:
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow
ALMOST got it. If only I was Gene Simmons.
_________________ -Scourge "Rx = +/_\"
a.k.a. President Skroob
The electronic ninja.
Xbox v1.6
Xenium Ice XOS v2.3
Xtender: Stock HDD+300G+300G
BIOS: Evox M8_16+
Dash: UX
crash04 Xbox-HQ Experienced
Joined: Mar 07, 2005 Posts: 184 Location: Central Indiana
Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2005 9:18 pm Post subject:
Confucious say:
Baseball is wrong, man who has 4 balls cannot walk.
Shark2th Moderator
Joined: Nov 17, 2004 Posts: 5222 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 1:10 pm Post subject: LIFE IN THE 1500'S
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all
the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the win! ter wore on, they added more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway.
Hence the saying a "thresh hold."
(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.
Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust."
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake."
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house"and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell"or was considered a "dead ringer." _________________ http://twitter.com/HQ_Shark2th
Shark2th Moderator
Joined: Nov 17, 2004 Posts: 5222 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 2:27 pm Post subject:
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(I specifically wanted a FROZEN dinner, why defrost? But it's only a suggestion)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well....duh, a bit late, huh!)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(...I'm taking this because???....)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to?)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about headline news)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: exsqueeze me?)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(genitals?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!) _________________ http://twitter.com/HQ_Shark2th
Shark2th Moderator
Joined: Nov 17, 2004 Posts: 5222 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 7:29 pm Post subject:
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's milk, that's the time to do it.
4. s3x is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
25. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass...then things get worse.
26 Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. _________________ http://twitter.com/HQ_Shark2th
Shark2th Moderator
Joined: Nov 17, 2004 Posts: 5222 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 6:53 pm Post subject:
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes
on inside people.
He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance,
self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride,
superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility,
kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and
faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his
grandfather, "Which wolf wins?"
Loki77 Xbox-HQ Freak Xbox Version: 1.2 Modded: Xenium Ice 750 GB HD
Joined: Feb 21, 2005 Posts: 614 Location: Nebraska
Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 10:28 pm Post subject:
YAY!!!
Its been awhile since i posted on one of your forums!
By the way i copied these down in a notepad for later viewing...^_^
its good to see your looking at the philisophical stuff and not just looking at Naughty stuff...
here are some words of wisdom for you shark
*Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.*
Shark2th Moderator
Joined: Nov 17, 2004 Posts: 5222 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 2:07 pm Post subject:
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
All 50 states are listed across the top of the LincolnMemorial on the back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt."
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction
If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Leonardo DaVinci invented the scissors.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel fuel that it burns.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself. _________________ http://twitter.com/HQ_Shark2th
enigma516 V.I.P. Lifetime
Joined: Feb 07, 2005 Posts: 2743 Location: Florida
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 3:28 pm Post subject:
Shark2th wrote:
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
So does a 30 pack of beer at my house.
Shark2th wrote:
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
You know I'll be tryng this today.
Shark2th wrote:
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
I need to try that, then SNAP!!!
Shark2th wrote:
There are more chickens than people in the world.
I agree, they all talk the talk, but can't walk the walk _________________
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