Joined: Nov 17, 2004 Posts: 5222 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: Tue May 31, 2005 5:31 pm Post subject: This joke should get me banned....
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
Oh my, I am so sorry, "the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap.
They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next day, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.
The guy is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible!!!!
"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
Joined: Feb 07, 2005 Posts: 2743 Location: Florida
Posted: Tue May 31, 2005 5:38 pm Post subject:
OHHHH, dude. That's just not right. Hey maybe this chick and the one with the orgasm disease can get together. That would make one hell of a night. _________________
Shark2th Moderator
Joined: Nov 17, 2004 Posts: 5222 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: Tue May 31, 2005 5:41 pm Post subject:
A vote was taken by this chick ya know.
The vote was tallied. There were no nay's.
In the end, the "eyes" have it.
_________________ http://twitter.com/HQ_Shark2th
crash04 Xbox-HQ Experienced
Joined: Mar 07, 2005 Posts: 184 Location: Central Indiana
Joined: Nov 17, 2004 Posts: 5222 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 1:16 pm Post subject:
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San
Diego when she was flagged down by a man
whose truck had broken down.
The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you
going to San Diego? "
"Sure, " answered the blonde, "do you need a lift? "
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours
fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two
chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to
the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already
so I don't want to keep them on the road all day.
Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me?
I'll give you $100 for your trouble. "
"I'd be happy to, " said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back
seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into
their seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving
through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was
horrified! !
There was the blonde walking down the street and
holding hands with the two chimps, much to the
amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled
off the road and ran over to the blonde.
"What the heck are you doing here? " he demanded, "I
gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo. "
"Yes, I know you did, " said the blonde, "but we had
money left over---so now we're going to Sea World.
Loki77 Xbox-HQ Freak Xbox Version: 1.2 Modded: Xenium Ice 750 GB HD
Joined: Feb 21, 2005 Posts: 614 Location: Nebraska
Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 1:33 pm Post subject:
Shark2th...*sigh*
You know i actully had to stop to think about the joke, lol.
I dident get it for a sec...yeah..
Shark2th Moderator
Joined: Nov 17, 2004 Posts: 5222 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 2:11 pm Post subject:
I've been pushing the limits of good taste to be sure Loki77.
Hang in there... surely they will get better. Surely...
(I know... and don't call me Shirley) _________________ http://twitter.com/HQ_Shark2th
enigma516 V.I.P. Lifetime
Joined: Feb 07, 2005 Posts: 2743 Location: Florida
Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 2:17 pm Post subject:
Hey Loki, what's with your little green dude. Sometimes he moves and sometimes he doesn't. Or is it just me? Man, I need to stay off the drugs _________________
Loki77 Xbox-HQ Freak Xbox Version: 1.2 Modded: Xenium Ice 750 GB HD
Joined: Feb 21, 2005 Posts: 614 Location: Nebraska
Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 2:21 pm Post subject:
he is a frog thing...he only moves when your high, so lay off the oregino...or not...its up to you!
enigma516 V.I.P. Lifetime
Joined: Feb 07, 2005 Posts: 2743 Location: Florida
Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 2:28 pm Post subject:
_________________
Shark2th Moderator
Joined: Nov 17, 2004 Posts: 5222 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 2:40 pm Post subject:
enigma516 wrote:
Hey Loki, what's with your little green dude. Sometimes he moves and sometimes he doesn't. Or is it just me? Man, I need to stay off the drugs
Loki77 Xbox-HQ Freak Xbox Version: 1.2 Modded: Xenium Ice 750 GB HD
Joined: Feb 21, 2005 Posts: 614 Location: Nebraska
Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 2:42 pm Post subject:
yeah,
but then agian i think its beacuse Enigma has repeatdly admitted to his drug probs. Lol
Shark2th Moderator
Joined: Nov 17, 2004 Posts: 5222 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 2:45 pm Post subject:
It's not drug problems, it's "cheap" drup problems that he experiences.
If he'd buy less food and use the saving to get the "good" stuff, he'd minimize his flashbacks some. _________________ http://twitter.com/HQ_Shark2th
Shark2th Moderator
Joined: Nov 17, 2004 Posts: 5222 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 2:34 pm Post subject:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and
says, "Dam!"
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that: You can't have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him.....A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
And finally
10. There was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!!
Tada!! Thank you... thank you very much. The tip jar is on the piano and I'll be here all week. _________________ http://twitter.com/HQ_Shark2th
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